Traces of Her
by Magical
Summary: Originally written in December 2007 as therapy for the monstrous disaster GH writers had made of Jasam during that time. This story takes place around a time when it felt like Jason had totally forgotten that Sam had been a major part of his life. What happens when he is confronted with traces of her everywhere he turns… will he still be able to pretend she was never there.


**Disclaimer:** I do own anything GH; only the story is mine.

* * *

It was about five o'clock in the morning when Jason found himself being aroused from a restlessly sleep. He looked to the left of him to see Elizabeth as she slept peacefully. Until repairs to damages done by the fire were finished on her home, Elizabeth and the boys were back to living with Elizabeth's grandmother. Last night Elizabeth had come to see him and ended up spending the night in his apartment for the first time since last year when Jake was conceived. They would have gone to the Metro Court, but because of the holiday season all the rooms were booked.

At that moment Jason should have been elated and feeling light. He was here with the woman he love … right? But for some reason he was feeling suffocated and heavy. It was why he had such a hard time sleeping last night. And what frustrated him more than anything was that he could not put his finger on what was causing the problem. However, if he allowed himself to be honest with himself, he knew that part of the reason for that heaviness was the fact Elizabeth was sleeping in his apartment, in his bed, and on _her_ side.

Not being able to lie still any longer he got up from the bed. He softly shuffled towards to the bathroom and crossed the threshold. He closed the door gently behind him and turned the light on. Walking over to the sink he looked at himself in the mirror. For a moment he actually looked at himself … really looked at himself. His hair was longer than it has been in a while and he was starting to notice the dark circles that were forming under his eyes. He was never one to really care about his appearance, but right now he had to admit that he looked a mess.

Feeling a headache coming on Jason opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed the bottle of Advil. Taking three pills from the bottle he swallowed them dry and moved to put the bottle back. Not really paying attention his hand hit another bottle that was behind it causing the Advil and few other things to fall the cabinet. Groaning in frustration, Jason began placing the things back in the cabinet until he reached a prescription bottle. Looking at it he saw that _her_ name was on it. Looking further he noticed that they were the fertility drugs that she had been taking; there were still some pills in the bottle.

Seeing the prescription bottle invoked feelings inside Jason that he been trying to get buried for months now … since she left. With the bottle enclosed protectively in his hand he made is way out the bathroom and quietly tip-toed out the bedroom into the hallway. As he walked down the hallway he found himself memorized by the little orange translucent bottle in his hand. He remembered when Sam had brought the prescription home for the first time, the two of them sat down and went over all the paper work together. They discussed the pros and the cons in the taking the drug _together_. Even though it was her body that was going to be subjected to the hormones she included him in the decision. They had already made the decision to have a baby together, and Jason felt that whatever measure they went through to have the child should have just been her decision … but she was determined they went through the process together.

Together, that was something that Jason felt a lot of when he was with Sam. She was always including him in things that she wanted to do, even if it had nothing to do with him. She told that because he was a part of her life anything that she did would ultimately affect him too, so she wanted his take on the situation. It had all started when she was trying to figure out how she was going to raise Lila when she was born, and just progressed over the years. Then at some point Jason noticed that he responded to her the same way. He noticed that more and more he would consult her on his things that he was about to do, even a few things that dealt with the business. And it wasn't just that he knew he could trust her, but he knew that he could trust in the advice that she would give in certain situations too.

Sam was his partner. Reaching the bottom of the steps Jason was affronted with the sight of the living room. The take-out that Liz had brought from Kelly's was still resting on the table where they left it; his food barely touched. And suddenly Jason was jolted back into the past, thinking on the many times that he and Sam use to eat Chinese take-out at the coffee table. One incident in particular resounding in his mind: that first night they had Chinese together.

She had been telling him about things that she could not do, but she did inform him, "… I'm an expert safe cracker, an excellent shot with a hand gun, and if you ever need my help I am good back up." Even now Jason remembered how unnerved he was by that comment, because he did not want Sam anywhere near his business. However, even though she had been joking about that at the time she did prove to be the best back up that he ever had. There was never a time he worried about his back being uncovered when she was watching it. Just like last month at the Black and White Ball. Sam knew exactly what needed to be done, and executed the plan beautifully. He would never admit it, but in those few seconds it felt good working with her like that again.

Sighing Jason set the prescription bottle down on the table next to the take-out boxes and moved to stand in his favorite place by the window. It was the same window that he had really hugged Sam in front of for the first time after she had lost Lila. When he first walked out of the kitchen all he could think about was how beautiful she looked in that moment, and how all he wanted to do was take away her pain. He could still remember the way that she trembled in his arms as she allowed herself to break down since she had come home from the hospital.

Watching the sun come up Jason found himself remembering Sam and their life together. It was as if his mind was playing a video he wanted so desperately to stop but he couldn't find the remote and he was stuck to the sofa. He thought about all the things they had been through _together_. He remembered sitting by her bedside after she lost Lila, during the virus, and even when she was shot. Then he remembered how she sat by _his_ bedside when he lost his memory and had that problem with his brain. He probably would not be standing here at the moment if it had not been for the way she fought for him. Then he thought about all the things they conquered and endured together: the kidnapping of Sonny's children, Michael's death, and the numerous police battles for different things. She stood by him through all of it.

The one thing he could not remember was any time that she complained. And she never asked him to change. She always accepted him for him, and the only thing she ever asked of him when he left to take care of business was that he came home to her. '_She really loved __**me**__,_' Jason could not help but think. Closing his eyes Jason took a deep breath so he could attempt to keep the bile that was raising in his is throat from coming up.

"Jason," he heard Elizabeth call out as she began to descend down the stairs. When he turned around to look at her he felt like his heart stopped. Elizabeth was wearing _her_ robe. It was the one that he had brought for Sam when they were in Hawaii. The fabric was red silk with black and white Hawaii flowers all over it; Sam had loved that robe.

Stepping around the table he asked, "Where did you get that?" His voice sounded harsh to his own self, and apparently Liz too because she flinched. He did not mean for scare her, but it was not all right for Elizabeth to be wearing _her_ robe. Not the one that he spent countless mornings admiring _her_ in because he enjoyed the way it hugged the curves of her body just right. Jason loved that robe … but only when it was on her. Right now he felt sick seeing it on another woman.

Not understanding his reaction, Elizabeth hugged the robe around her. "I woke up and you were not there. I looked in your drawer to find something to wear and found this at the bottom of your sweatpants drawer. I did not think that you mind." She was puzzled as to why he seemed disturbed.

On an impulse Jason wanted to shout that he did and demand that she take _her_ robe off IMMEDIATELY. But he knew that would not go over so well. "Umm," he struggled to find the words. "How about you go get ready and I will make breakfast. I know that you have to get to work soon." Then he turned to walk into the kitchen, but stopped as he stood in the doorway, "Please put that robe back exactly how you found it." He disappeared afterwards not even giving her a chance to speak.

Since he did not have much in his refrigerator, he was only able to toast a few slices of bread for Elizabeth. Sam was the one that made sure food was in the house. She wasn't sure what to do with it, but she made sure that they had something of substance always available. But since she left he NEVER ate home. Last night was the first time since she moved out that he had even attempted to have a meal here in the penthouse, which really had not been all that successful, since he was currently throwing most of it away in his trash can.

"Oh, I would have done that," Jason heard Liz say behind him as she walked into the kitchen. When he turned around he was relieved to see that she was dressed in purple scrubs and out of _her_ robe.

Shaking his head Jason walked over to the sink to wash his hands. "It's all right. I made some coffee; the mugs are in the cabinet next to the refrigerator." He grabbed the towel next to the sink to dry his hands as he turned to lean against the counter

Elizabeth nodded in response, but did not say anything. She did not understand where this mood of Jason's was coming from. He had been acting funny since she came over the night before. She had definitely noticed how he had barely touched his food and when he made love to her last night it felt like his mind was somewhere else. She had an idea has to where his mind was … or rather with who … but she did not want to go there. Instead she needed to focus on getting his focused back on her.

Taking a sip of her coffee, she looked at Jason with a sweet smile. "So I was thinking," she began as she took a bite of the toast that he made her, "I was thinking that maybe you and I should do something together. Sort of like a date."

The expression on Jason's face did not change. "I thought you wanted to do this in secret," he reminded her. This was her idea. She told him that she loved him and wanted to be with him, but at the same time she had asked him to let Lucky raise his son. '_Sam never would have done that_,' the little voice in his head taunted.

"Yeah, I still do. It's best this way … for Cameron and _Jake's_ safety," Elizabeth said emphasizing Jake's name, thinking it might give her a little needed leeway. "But we can maybe do things that most people don't do. For example, I know that the Port Charles Film Society will be playing _Gone with the Wind_ next week at the Old Ridge Theater. I just love that movie and thought maybe we can go see it." She thought it was a good idea; and it would give them some time to spend together outside of a bedroom.

Closing his eyes, Jason prayed this nauseous feeling was not going to become a regular thing, because he did not enjoy it at all. "I uh have to work next week," he lied. But there was no way he was going to be able to see _her_ favorite movie with another woman.

Trying not to show how annoyed she was by his response, Elizabeth grinned her teeth as she chewed her toast. "I see," was all she could say without showing her displeasure. Things between her and Jason were still so new and she did not want to push away before she really had him. "Well, maybe some other time then." Taking another sip of her coffee she got up. "I better be getting to work." She walked over where he was and placed her dishes in the sink. Then she reached up and placed a kiss on his lips … a kiss he really did not respond to. Not wanting to get into a fight Elizabeth knew that now was really her time to leave. "See you later Jason." And with that she exited the kitchen.

A few moments later Jason heard his front door slam closed. He knew that Elizabeth was upset, but he did not know what else to do. All he could think about was what _she_ - Sam - meant to him. He could not stop thinking of Sam as the woman that not only supported him but stood by him. The woman that was no longer in his life due to _his_ choices. The woman that apparently left **permanent** traces of herself on his heart. The woman that he had pushed away and lied to. The woman was no longer in his life, and yet left enough traces of herself to consume him with remorse of what once was.

THE END.


End file.
